Writing An Internet Dating Profile To Find Someone Special
My internet dating profile is always memorable, and perhaps a little unconventional if you believe everything you’ve been reading on internet dating profiles.
I recommend my approach for anyone who is serious about finding love on the internet and doesn’t want to wade through tens of inappropriate responses to their dating profile.
My internet dating qualifications
So what makes me qualified to offer an opinion?
Years of internet dating (more than twelve!) have helped me refine an approach that works. Simple.
To be honest, my background in marketing helps.
I know my internet dating profile has to stand out from others. It’s also important you don’t fall into the pitfalls so many others do.
When I am writing profiles the main questions I am aiming to answer are:
What do I write about us to attract the person I want to find? How do I put the timewaster off? What are the must haves? What three things do I want to include about them? What three things do I want to include about me?
Note the emphasis on us.
It helps if you also pick the right dating sites for you. But for now, that’s a whole different subject.
Writing an internet dating profile isn’t easy. Not if you’re really interested in finding love. There are tons of people out there who have made online dating a hobby. I am assuming that’s not you. You’re here because you want to find someone special.
Let’s stick with internet dating profiles for now. Always bear mind your goal. To get responses from the kind of person you’re looking for. This is not the same thing as getting the highest number of responses possible. It’s not a competition.
Put another way your job should be to filter out the kind of responses you don’t want.
Be positive, don’t be negative about other people
Before going online and completing internet dating profiles it’s worth asking yourself one more time whether you’re in the right frame of mind.
Why is this important? If your internet dating profile gives the impression of being on the rebound, being negative or carrying lots of baggage is a big no no and is bound to turn people off. Think about it for a second. If you have ever dated someone who is obviously distracted by someone else? Spent time with a friend who’s clearly not all there, consumed by something on their mind. One way or another, romantically or not it’s, a real put down. So in terms of mind space or attitude when it comes to your internet dating profile, two’s company, three is definitely a crowd.
Examples of profile extracts will help set you straight
Bad internet dating profiles – gives off negative vibes
“I always thought internet dating was for failures. People who had no social life. But since my recent divorce I have decided to give it a try even although I don’t think think it will work…”
“Women always let me down. I am here to try to find someone different who won’t break my heart”
“I am excited about possibly meeting new people. Let me tell you a bit about me. I am originally from New York, but now live in London. I am really enjoying living somewhere new ”
“I run my own business so my social life is neglected, most of the time. I think perhaps if I could meet someone I’d like to see more of it would help me create a better life-work balance. I am optimistic that someone special is out there”
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or others
You should make it easy for people to contact you. There are things you may write in your internet dating profile that’ll inhibit people making contact. These usually come under the headings of over specifying what you’re looking for, being unrealistic about yourself, sounding unrealistic, and sounding too serious.
Let’s look at all of these.
It is possible to over specify in your internet profile what you’re are looking for.
“I am looking to meet a blond female age 23-25, 5ft 10 or over. I’d like to remarry within the next two years and have another child by the time I am 30. She must like soccer, socialising in bars and movies. It’s important to me she’s never been married and lives within an hours drive of Chicago”
“ I am looking to meet someone who’s happy to be friends and see what develops. Ideally if you live in the Glasgow area that would be helpful. I like hockey, reading, travelling in Europe, and spicy food. If you like at least one of these that’s a bonus”
See what I mean. Also slipping between first and third person is a no no. Writing in the third person is way too impersonal!
On being unrealistic about yourself see here:
“My friends tell me I am beautiful, and I probably am. So you have to be great looking so we look good together.
Being unrealistic in general: “I am looking for a tall dark handsome stranger. A George Clooney look-a-like would be good, living in San Diego would be ideal. ”
“I like being 55 and have never felt better. I am looking to meet someone younger aged 25-35”
You can definitely sound too serious in your online profile. Take this as example:
“I am keen to meet men who want to get married. Marriage is important to me and I always thought I’d be married by the time I am 30. Now that 30 has come and gone, I am worried about time running out to have children”.
Yuch! The point is this. Being serious, over specific or demanding will not only reduce the number of responses you get, but it will mean when you finally do meet you both will be under so much pressure, you’ll be fit to burst. Dating in these circumstances is extremely difficult.
Play it casual, don’t wear your heart on your sleeve
Sounding too emotional, or too honest in an inappropriate way, can also be a turn off. Keep your internet dating profile light. Keep it casual, even if you’re looking for love. Like any relationship there are stages. So don’t be too revealing, too soon (before you’ve been introduced to each other), just might make you seem desperate or unstable.
“I don’t want to be alone any more. I guess I got pretty lonely after my divorce. Buy everyone goes through that phase. Right?”
“It took me four years to get over my last break up. I’ve not dated for four years at all. Every time I see a happy couple together it makes me feel funny”
Be an individual, but stand out for the right reasons
Make an effort to read ten, twenty or thirty profiles and you quickly realise how similar profiles can be. You must make yours stand out from the crowd. You can do this in a number of ways. In the internet dating profile title, use of photos or not, and the way you write the body of the profile.
“I am French. I live in Paris, I like movies and reading and going to concerts”
“I am a big Cohen Brothers fan – I think I’ve seen all their films at least three times. I don’t read much but have read all the Sherlock Holmes stories. I follow Kings of Leon wherever they play – Europe or home”
Personally my very strong opinion is this. Many people waste too much profile space on describing what they are looking for while failing miserably to convey a sense of themselves.
I use my words carefully. You’ll notice I didn’t write anything about describing yourself.
Describing what you are looking for is great because it encourages the people you say you want to meet from contacting you and filters out the rest. In theory.
Filters might be age, marital status, hair colour, location..whatever. But don’t over do it. As I said about you can over specify.
I strongly believe you need to convey a sense of yourself in your internet dating profile and a sense of what you’re looking for to make your profile come alive and to make it stand out from the crowd. I say what quite specifically. Not just the filters used in upir profile (age, location etc) but your outlook and personality and similarly what you’re looking for in that regard.
“I have a sense of adventure and I am looking for someone similarly open-minded. A ‘have a go’ personality is attractive to me”.
“I am nuts for learning new sports, the scarier the better. Last year I climbed Kilimanjaro. If you can share this with me it would be awesome. No wallflowers please’
“I get on best with extrovert women. So if you’re talkative, relaxed and confident I’d like to meet you’’
Size, or rather length is important, usually
If you are seen to be putting a bit of thought and effort into your internet dating profile, you’re already making yourself immediately more attractive.
You can sometimes see the same profile on multiple sites, so you don’t want to convey the impression you’re simply shopping around. Though of course, internet dating is a kind of shopping.
Finding love does take effort. I know I’ve said it before but it’s important it sinks in. I’ve said be casual, be light, but that’s not the same as pouring over your profile for hours (or days) honing down exactly what you want to say and most importantly how you say it.
In fact, I recommend you initially take out trial memberships, get your profile completed any which way, just to get started and review some of the profiles before finalising your own. Taking a trial membership out is usually free and lets you find out more about the site. If you discover the site is not for you, you can always remove your profile before you’ve spent too much time on it.
Men are more likely to write two line profiles than women. I’ve written two line profiles and got a result. But men (sorry guys) often go about writing a short profile the wrong way. A name and phone number is not a profile!
Make it even easier for people to contact you, but challenging too
Once people have read your profile what do you want them to do? Marketing people use the term call to action to describe what they want people to do. What response they want. Call or email, or perhaps complete a survey.
Use your internet dating profile to tell people what to do in the first instance. If you throw down a challenge at the same time, it means only those who’ll make an effort will reply. You’re forcing people to think. Not a bad idea if you’re looking for love.
In the context of your online dating profile it means you specify the response you want. Don’t just say “email me”. You can also go slightly further and tell people what you’d like the step beyond to be.
Options for call to action
Email me with your ideas for the best place to meet on a first date
Email me telling me why you think we’re suited
Call me to tell me more about yourself
Call me to tell me your best joke
Options for call to action and next step (best option)
“I’d like to suggest we meet for coffee. Email me with your suggestions for where and why”
“I’d like to see a film with you and have a drink after. Email me with your suggestions of a film and why”
Writing internet dating profiles gets easier with time. If you follow the suggestions here you’re far, far more likely to find someone you can feel special about.
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